Well, i have now oficialy been in Madrid and away from family and friends for over 8 months...
Of course ive made new friends and so here, but nothing like what ive got back home, so im quiet excited about the next 2 weeks to go fast, not only because its my 2 weeks of exams if not because im finaly going to go home, and be there more than a weekend.

Madrid... yes... i will miss it, but ill be back in 3 months, to start a new chapter, a new adventure, but a bit less adventurous than this year, were everithing was new.

Unlike this year, next year i will not be staying at the Residencia Gran Canarias, were i las lucky enough to make good friends, some ill still see next year, but wont live with them, and others i will be saying a most probably definate good bye to, because there finishing there time in Madrid, and going home permanently.

In the Residencia ive met people of all kinds, and from all places. Dancers, Models, Students of all tipes...etc...

Next year, i will still be living with my adventure buddy, the crazy chinese girl, Quan, who has certainly calmed down a bit since we are in Madrid, and specialy since she has a boyfriend here.
We are hoping to find a flat, if possible a two bedroom flat, its been nice sharing a room with her, and i wudnt mind doing it again if necesary, but its allso nice to have ur own room, a place to go cry or just be alone for a wile.


This year has been grate, but a bit lonely compared to my last two years, wen i mooved form my "since allways" school, to a bigger school in a diferent town because i wanted to study art. In that new school i met people, who i will allways have a special link to, they were the best two years of my life. Thats allso were i met my best guy friend, I dont know if im allso his best girl friend, but i love and miss him all the same, and its not the same with him... im not going to go home in two weeks and see him, if not it probably going to be about a month and a bit more till i see him, because his family mooved away too, so we no longer live near each other, not eaven wen im home.
But Oh well... ill get over it, and have to endure a longer buss trip to see him.


But ill still be seeing all my other friends! Cant wait to be there with them...


Hmmm... this new journal entry bacame longer than i planed... lol

Seeyou Deviants!

So unlike my ideal,
so oposit to the norm,
completely surreal,
are my feelings for you,
never would i of thought,
you would be my tipe,
amazing how feelings work,
they have no rules,
folow no guide,
just go their own way,
looking out for the one,
not caring about your eyes,
make u listen to your heart,
Ignoring the superficial sences,
inhancing your mind, ur soul,
thats all that counts,
not the external beauty,
not the glazing eyes,
just the internal warmth,
just the floating feeling.
and nothing more.

I think i now know why do i still feel the pain of your loss, mourn the fact that youv gone.

Up to now ive not been able to understan, id say to my self, why do you hurt? Why is the pain in my gut still there??

Now wilst thinking to my self and listening to some music i came to the tought, he really made a fool of him self.... He asked me to forgive him...

After that i thought... But i forgave him so many times... so many times he made the same mistakes, and didnt correct them, and i allways forgave him....
Till that last time, that final night.... wen he had definately gone to far...

And then wilst pondering my thoughts i realised why was it that he sitll hurt.

Coz he was the one.
The one i really loved.
The one that made me happy.

But he had made so many wrongs,
he had disapointed me so much,
that i found my self unable to forgive.

And i was obviously not worth tring to get back, because, ok, there was sufering from his side for a week and a half, but then he got the first girl that came his way to be his.

He didnt give me any time to cool, and think clearly, and maby just time so we could both be at peace, to sort our relation out, if it was to turn it into a nice friendship or maby at some point get back together.... no... none of that... just take the first thing that comes your way.

So thats the reason i think i found... he hurt me so much,
not because he was a fool,
not because he turned into a bastard towards me....
If not because he disaponited me to such a extent that i found him practicaly unforgivable....


But well... theres nothing that can be done any more.... if you ever get your hands on this text, you, you who feels identified with this text...
I just hope you have finaly learnt form your mistakes, and wont hurt any one more with your selfish stupidness...


I loved you, i still do and thats why it hurts... i just hope it doesnt hurt to much longer.

Ive got to get over you, my painfull mistake.



---------------------------


Just forget about him,
dont let him get to you,
erase your memories,
dont let him get thru,
start a new page,
clean and white,
dont let that gray past,
see the light,
you have a new future,
never a again obscured,
make your own path,
no one can tell you what to do,
you are your own person,
not a others fool
slik and unique,
not just a tool...

I am in a very strange point of my life, i have just mooved to a new city away form friends and family to study Graphic Dessign, I have only been here (MADRID) for a few days and i still cant get around to thinking that im acuatly staying here its not a holliday.....

Well, ill allso ad on of my poems as i have been doing:



The day is dying,
the girls are crying,
their life is destroyed,
everything they enjoyed,
its as if nothing exists,
its all fallen to bits,
nothing will ever be the same,
adults retreve in shame,
shoked about what they have done,
they never thought it would come ,
they regret their mistakes,
should of trigged the brakes,
wished they had controled,
but now its all sold,
nothing they can gain,
but sadness and pain.

I never thought, this would hapen,
I never thought, I would saden,
I never thought, you would hate me,
I never thought, it would brake me,
I never thought, it meant so much,
I never thought, I would lose your touch,
I never thought, I would feel that pain,
I never thought, I would hear that rain,
I never thought, It would hurt once more,
I never thought, I would be so sure